Welp…This is the start.

Not everyone is blessed with the talent to write beautifully. Its my first time, I’m trying to pen down my feelings. I’m kind of introvert who has many thoughts running in mind but my thoughts are unable to find their way in words. No matter how hard I try to share my dark experiences with this cruel world, I’m always at loss for words. I’m still struggling to find my inner voice, I want to scream aloud to tell my story to whole world…. But……

An intimate moment….

Then our eyes meet, and time stopped for a few seconds and the entire place became so still and so silent. You can hear your heart beating faster and faster. And then you lean over and kiss her, then one kiss leads to many. Then that perfect long breath taking, soul sucking kiss comes into effect. Which make you feel warm in all the right places. As she sits down you slowly start teasing her. As the teasing continues you get on top of her, as she sits there with a very intimate but quite intense look. You can feel the attraction from a mile away. She finally picks you up and walks towards the desk, sticks her hand down your pants and when things couldn’t get any more physical someone walks in, you quickly spring up and act natural, but everyone knows acting natural in the situation you both were in would be to obvious! Then with a blink of an eye both were running out the back door as if they were teenagers getting caught by their parents.

Keep fighting…

Every day you have to fight with your self… you can’t run from the situation… Every day you have to conduct a new life for you..
no one else can do for you, yes your loved ones only can support you …
but, at the end is you who has to fight for your self-confidence as you lose it slowly each day…. every day comes with a new fear, new test.. and you have to overcome them as you can’t avoid them..
in this big world every day you have to face many difficulties, even the unexpected ones…
It is really hard to fight every day with life and situations…
The worst thing we think is that it happens with “ME” ….
but dear,
it is not so…
“EVERY ONE” face such dilemma in life…
so do not worry, be calm, be self confident…
try hard as much as you can, be positive
because it is the only one tool which will help you and no other…
but make sure while doing so you do not hurt other persons feelings because their feelings matter just as much as yours…

Self-worth nuff said…

Don’t try to live for others!! Try to believe in your work, action and of course love yourself, then life will be beautiful. Stay motivated and spread love with everyone. Life is short, don’t think that your are not up to this person and that person. Be yourself and the happiness will arrive to you!! There comes a time where you just need to walk away .. if it’s a bad relationship with a significant other , or a broken friendship … whatever it may be … Sometimes you just need to realize what you deserve and determine if they treat you the way you deserve to be treated.. you can’t let others bring you down and make you feel like you are worthless … you can’t let others control who you are .. be yourself and find people who accept you for you .. you are amazing in your own way .. So surround yourself with people who know your self worth ..

Is it just a fantasy with you?…

And she took her slowly removing her clothes one by one lovingly delicately as they came towards the bed, and the heat beat down upon them sweat glistening off their skin as they came together as one. Lips crushing together hands exploring she slowly took her shirt off and brushed her fingers down the middle. Exposing her average but toned chest. Her fingers trailing down skin. Nails leaving light lines as she clenched herself into her body. As she entered her threshold thrusting in slow delicate rhythm her teeth softly bit into her neck leaving marks of a lovers ownership so that all knew she was hers and solely hers.

Traffic light of thoughts..

Recently I learnt about a concept known as “the traffic light of thoughts.’ It’s a concept taught to children to help them understand their own thoughts, and build their emotional resilience. Red thoughts are supposed to symbolize negative thoughts that are unhelpful to you. Green thoughts are happy thoughts that are helpful to you. This is such a simple concept, but it got me thinking about those situations in life that I feel I have no control over. In these moments, my brain ticks over 100’s of red thoughts, that essentially are explainable. I could understand how these thoughts appear but I could not comprehend as to why. 

Then I started thinking about how my personal experiences and how they have truly shaped my thinking style. For example, 2016 was a year of pain, sadness and emptiness for me. I experienced a bad breakup, a loss of all my friends, and having to reconnect with everyone again. That year, I felt as though I was in a recurring cycle of unhappiness. There were uncontrollable situations that hit me, one after the other. I felt as though life was kicking me in the gut, while I was already down. After each experience, I had 100’s of red thoughts that flooded my brain. This soon became a habit. A repetitive cycle of negativity. Thereafter, I found it difficult to think of any green thoughts. Even when faced with situations I could control. I started to view the world through a depressive lens. I was constantly told to just “be positive”, or “think of it as a learning experience”. But at the time I didn’t know how to do it and I got irritated at anyone that tried to show me how. In all honesty, that cycle of negativity became a space of security and comfort. 

Entering my 2017, I realized how much damage this was doing to my mental health and well being. So, I started to write down all the red thoughts I had each day. I then forced myself to counter them with green thoughts. For example, 
(Redlight) “I just can’t do this”
(Greenlight) “Have a go, if you still can’t, it’s ok. You have strengths in other areas.” This may seem like a tedious exercise, but it helped me tremendously. It is so important to know how to be in-touch with your own thoughts. Self-reflection saved my life. the Traffic Light of Thoughts saved my life. Break it down and watch how you become a stronger person because of it.